"Try this," he says. "It's Altoids gum."
My brain immediately makes a correlation: Altoids=breath mint, Altoids gum=breath-freshening gum. Hm. Okay. I take the gum from his hand and pop it into my mouth. After the first few chews, I literally feel my entire face puckering as my eyes bug out and squinch up at the same time.
"Holy crap!" I choke out. "What the hell is this?"
He shows me the little tin. Altoids Sour Chewing Gum. My wonderful, considerate, loving husband (in case you can't tell, my tongue is firmly in my cheek at this moment) conveniently left the word sour out so he could watch my reaction to the gum. And laugh his ass off.
Where's a nice heavy baseball bat when you need one?
He needs to be very afraid. I will get him back.