Okay. Now that I got yesterday’s rant out of my system, I’m feeling better. I figured after that, today’s entry should be something a little more lighthearted. So, I think I’ll talk about: Fear.

What? Did you think it was going to be about peanut butter and marshmallow fluff sandwiches? (Shoot. Now I’m hungry.) My son stayed home from school today after spending half the night vomiting. Believe me, fear is as lighthearted as I’m gonna get.

Anyway, fear. It’s been the subject of a few blogs lately, Silma and Sheri immediately spring to mind. Looks like I’m jumping on that blog-wagon.

I can’t say that my fears are unusual. Matter of fact, after reading other blog entries, I’d say they’re pretty common. Normal, even. My biggest fear as far as writing goes is very simple. I’m not good enough.

That’s not to say I think I suck as a writer. I know I don’t suck. If I did, I think any one of my three wonderful CPs would have long ago said, “Hey, Lynn? I think they’re hiring down at the mall food court.” But they haven’t, so I think it’s safe for me to say I don’t suck without sounding conceited.

Even so, I still can’t shake that little voice whispering in the back of my mind.

I’m not good enough.

It’s a self-esteem issue, I know that. And it’s not specific to my writing. A lifetime ago, I used to hang around with a bunch of musicians. On a pretty regular basis, they’d ask me to come do a song with them. I’d shake my head so vehemently that I’m certain part of my problem today is something shook loose and is rattling around. Hm. Could be the cause of that voice?

I’m not good enough.

Call it what you want: lack of self-esteem or self-confidence, stage fright, whatever. In my case, it’s all the same. Whenever I’ve sent something to my CPs or my new RD Bootcamp mentor Lisa, that nagging little voice starts to sound like the mother in Stephen King’s “Carrie”: They’re all gonna laugh at you.

For the bootcamp, we had to fill out a form that lists what we feel are our strengths and weaknesses, and what we’d like to get out of it. When I asked my CPs what they saw as my weaknesses, one said: You worry too much, imo, and it seems to slow the creative flow at times.

Yup. That’s me.

That said, the big question is how do I overcome this fear? How do I get past it? I certainly don’t have the answers, and if anybody does, please feel free to share. I might even pay you.

All I can do is keep trying. Keep pushing myself. Get the synopsis for IH done and start submitting. Finish writing BMO and SR and get those submitted, too. Write more. Submit more. Work through the fears and deal with the disappointments as they come instead of planning or expecting them.

Do I think that’ll solve my problem? Overcome my fears? Um...no. But it might help to make them easier to deal with and a little less bothersome.

It's amazing the dust one narrow-minded letter can kick up.

There are a lot of writers out there who are torqued, the result of a debate (re)started by a letter printed in the May issue of RWA's trade publication, RWR. In a few words (and in my humble opinion), the writer of this letter insults the erotic romance genre, one of the publishers of that genre, and the writers of erotic romance by indicating writers of erotic romance aren't professional writers, and the RWA "made a big mistake in lowering our standards to accept such a publisher ."

It bears mentioning that the publisher in question is RWA recognized, meaning they have met the standards set forth by the organization for recognition.

Apparently, the writer of this letter was offended by the May RWR’s back cover advertisement, placed by this same publisher, describing it as “dopey-looking hunks in ridiculous costumes”.

For more detailed discussions of this issue, please visit Sylvia Day, Shannon Stacey, HelenKay, Monica Jackson, and Smart Bitches Who Love Trashy Novels.

My own opinion? I have a problem with the letter-writer's comments. A huge one. It seems to me she feels that writers of erotic romance are beneath her. That they have no business being part of a professional romance organization such as Romance Writers of America.

I wholeheartedly disagree.

I don’t write erotic romance, but I do know that writers of that genre work just as hard as those writing contemporary romance, romantic suspense, inspirational romance, etc. Not professional? Pshaw! I have no questions about the professionalism of the erotic romance writers I’ve encountered. And those “dopey-looking hunks”? Shannon Stacey has posted links to some of the letter writer’s own covers, and frankly, I don’t see a difference.

I may be beating a dead horse here (to coin a cliché), but I’m more offended by intolerant elitists than I am by erotic romance.

But that’s just me.

When I read Larissa’s blog tonight, I came across her entry entitled ”Don’t Roll Your Eyes” (yes, I was procrastinating—again), and it got me thinking. She talked about a person who hated reading the phrase “she rolled her eyes”. Said it “conjured up images of two disembodied eyes rolling across the floor”. Anyway, like I said, it got me thinking. Personally, the rolling eyes thing doesn’t bother me, but are there phrases/actions I’ve read in published books that do bother me?

The answer is yes, there are. I just finished a book by a multi multi-published author, who (whom?) I happen to love. And a number of times, she used the phrase she gave [insert action here] (example: she gave an eye roll). I understand the need to change up the way you phrase things in order to keep it interesting, but as I mentioned in my comment to Larissa’s post, I couldn’t help but wonder if she wrapped that eye roll up in pretty foil holographic paper and slapped a bow on top.

And here’s another couple that never bothered me until I read Self-Editing for Fiction Writers: she tossed her head/hair and she dropped her eyes. After reading SEfFW a couple hundred times, when I see these phrases I ask myself “How far did she toss it” and “Did she have to go to the hospital?” in that order.

I’m sure there are other phrases that give me pause, but I’m tired and can’t think of them right now. What phrases do you see in published books that drive you nuts?

Pathetic title, I know. What do you expect? It's been raining all day here. Dreary day, dreary title. Tit for tat and all that.

Anyway, I'm sitting here on my living room sofa, eating a roast beef and provolone sandwich on honey wheat bread (yeah, that's doing wonders for my diet!), drinking a Diet Pepsi and blog-hopping. Although, technically, I guess you can't call it blog-hopping anymore. Thanks to Diva Gina at RD, I'm now reading my favorite blogs through SharpReader. So now all the blogs I read are listed in one spot, and all I have to do is click on the blog name, then the entry title of choice, and BAM! I'm reading! Plus, it lets me know when somebody's updated. Very cool. And it's a new toy for me, so that makes it doubly cool.

Haven't done much writing today, but the day ain't over. After I finish blog-reading, I'll finish up some crits (I have three waiting to be done--well, two to finish, one to do) and then take a look at BMO again and do some FDi30D work on it. And if I'm feeling really ambitious (or I just get a real hankerin' for punishment) I'll pull out that IH synopsis again and see if I can make any headway with that.

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MOOD: Hungry! (But getting better with this sandwich)
MUSIC: Blessed silence. My kids aren't even fighting.
WHAT I'M READING: Love is All Around by Lori Devoti

With thanks to Steph T:

1. Take first five novels from your bookshelf.
2. Book 1 — first sentence
3. Book 2 — last sentence on page 50
4. Book 3 — second sentence on page 100
5. Book 4 — next to the last sentence on page 150
6. Book 5 — final sentence of the book
7. Make the five sentences into a paragraph.
8. Feel free to “cheat” to make it a better paragraph.
9. Name your sources
10. Post to your blog.

Okay, first, my shelf is upstairs and way too far to walk to (I’m feeling a little lazy right now), but I do have a plethora of books stuffed in the black hole (the cabinet under the TV), so I grabbed five from there.

Here goes, without the cheating:

“Baby,” groaned the guy--Ted? Tad?--something like that--and crushed his lips against the side of her neck, shoving her face against the wall of the toilet stall. I threw the lock and then the change had me. Twice. I’d have to invest in martial arts coaching and learn some police techniques for subduing felons. “I knew even then that I was waiting for the man of my dreams.”

Sources:

1. "In Her Shoes" by Jennifer Wiener
2. "Hunter's Moon" by C.T. Adams and Cathy Clamp
3. "Loving Mercy" by Teresa Bodwell
4. "One for the Money" by Janet Evanovich
5. "Falling Awake" by Jayne Ann Krentz

And now for the blog version, also from Steph:

1. Select five blog links from your links sidebar
2. Blog 1 - first sentence of the latest blog entry
3. Blog 2 - second to last sentence of the earliest blog entry on the front page
4. Blog 3 - last sentence of the first blog entry of the entire blog
5. Blog 4 - third sentence of the third blog entry on the front page
Then, click on the last link of the Blog Links sidebar at Blog 4. If there isn’t one, do this with Blog 3
5. Blog 5 - last sentence of the latest blog entry
6. Put all together to create a paragraph out of all that
7. Post it to your blog along with links to all blogs that you used here.

And we're off!

I surprised myself this weekend by actually meeting my BIAW goal. Isn’t it funny how we stress over a few tiny sentences? And like a phoenix, I was reborn through fire... It disciplines you to write on the fly, like a journalist. May it lead you to lucrative book contracts!

Sources:

1. Teresa's Journey
2. Cynthia Justlin
3. Silma's Misadventures of an Unpublished Writer
4. Sylvia Day
5. Diana Peterfreund

Now that that's done, I'm off to run errands.

I spent a good part of today trying to set up a photo gallery on my website. Three or four hours into it I gave up. The particular script I was using (available through my server) was just more trouble than it was worth. Now, I'm no techno-idiot. I'm no web genius either, but I think I can hold my own. Or I thought so until I came up against that stupid program.

Anyway, after deleting everything related to that gallery from my webserver, I did an internet search for a different gallery to use. The luck o' the Irish must've been smiling on me, because I found one in no time flat! AND, it was unbelievably easy to set up. So now on my website I have a gallery of some of my favorite photographs.

Earlier today, I added excerpts from three of my mss: IH, BMO, and I2I. Don't have a blurb or excerpt up for SR yet, but that'll come in time.

So if you're bored and have nothing to do *snort*, feel free to stop by www.lynndaniels.com and take a look at the new features!

Now, off to write!

Yep, the dealer finally put my CD changer back in yesterday, so I'm no longer tortured by the local radio stations, and the boom box has been removed from the truck. Can you hear my sigh of relief?

My husband shampooed most of the carpets in the house yesterday, and since they were still wet today he decided we all needed to go out for the day. Spent the day driving around looking at property, then it was off to Lowe's. Somehow, we managed to decide to repaint most of the rooms in our house, and even bought the paint. I think it was the clean carpets that did it. But I ask...are we insane???

And of course, since we were gone all day, I got NO writing time in. Sheesh. Looks like it's gonna be a late night tonight.

P.S. I'm behind in comment responses, and waaaaaay behind on my blog-hopping. Apologies to all. I'm hoping to start getting caught up on all that tomorrow. (Suddenly feeling like Scarlett O'Hara.)

The past couple of days have been good writing days for the BIAW. Three hours Tuesday, 7 hours yesterday. And yesterday, I did my FDi30D scene capsules, did a bunch of research for BMO, and completed my first draft of my IH synopsis overhaul. Sometime later today, I need to type that synopsis into the computer.

Additionally, I've been assigned a mentor through Romance Divas. I need to return my "report card" to her today, which I need to finish filling out with what I see as my strengths and weaknesses, and what I want to get out of the mentor program boot camp. Then I'll be sending her the first three chapters of BMO.

And did I mention that my daughter has a TKD lesson and a soccer game today? Sheesh. Does it ever end?

On top of all that, my poor son was up half of last night coughing. I took him to the doctor today, and it turns out he has bronchitis. That's what they're calling it this time. However, the doctor warned me that if this becomes a repeat problem, the diagnosis will change from bronchitis to asthma. Lovely. So on top of his three separate daily allergy medications, his also taking another three medications plus he needs breathing treatments with a nebulizer (not sure if I spelled that right) every four hours.

*sigh*

While my son and I were at Wal-Mart waiting for his prescriptions to be filled, we wandered around a bit. Of course, I wandered to what is, for me, the most interesting place in the store. The DVD section. As we headed that direction, I repeated a silent mantra: I'm not gonna buy anything. I'm not gonna buy anything.

We hit the DVDs and I started to browse.

I'm not gonna buy anything. I'm not gonna buy anything. Oh, look! "Sideways"! No. I'm not gonna buy anything. I'm not gonna buy anything. Shoot. The first season of "The Pretender" is out. I'll just look at the back. Hm. We did say were were going to buy this one. Okay. I'll get this one. But I'm not gonna buy anything else. I'm not gonna buy anything else. Huh. I've been looking for "Sister Act 2" on DVD. It's not even $9. I'm not gonna buy anything else. I'm not gonna buy anything else.

You get the idea.

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MOOD: Exhausted, and it's not even 2:30pm
MUSIC: None. Watching Season 4 of The West Wing
PROGRESS: 3 hours Tuesday, 7 hours yesterday for BIAW
WHAT I'M READING: Full Bloom by Janet Evanovich and Charlotte Hughes

Looks like the Divas' site and forum is back up and running. WOO HOO! The return of a former form of serious procrastination has returned.

Got in some decent time yesterday for the first day of this month's FTHRW BIAW. Managed to type in all my handwritten pages from Sunday, then moved on to the FDi30D Worksheet 15, Story Evolution Worksheet. Can you say frustrating, boys and girls? This is where my plotting suckiness (is that a word?) really shines through. On part of this worksheet (and this is only a small part), you're supposed to list short-term goals your characters have set in order to help them reach the story goal, how that short-term goal was thwarted, the characters' reactions, how the stakes are raised, and how the characters react to the new stakes. I had problems right out of the gate on this one. I mean does (to put it delicately) boinking count as a raising of the stakes? It's definitely a raising of something, right?

So what did I do in reaction to my problem? I plopped the headphones on my head, cranked some tunes, and stuck my tongue out at Rocky. Constructive and adult, don't you think? Yeah, me neither. But it sure felt good.

After my very adult and very constructive reaction, I stared at the computer screen for a while. All these actions were certain to get the ball rolling for me. (Yeah, right.) I'm sure you can imagine my surprise when I continued to draw a blank on filling out the worksheet. I knew I needed to do something, though.

Lately, all my energies have been focused on BMO. I finally decided those good ol' creative juices might flow again if I pulled out and reread what I have written on SR. Not to pat myself on the back here, but I must admit that rereading those scenes with Jackson and Rebecca (some from the beginning of the story and some from near the end), reminded me of the vast potential of that story. I really liked what I have so far. Sure, it's only the first draft and those scenes could definitely stand some reworking, but the basic elements are there. I ended up defying Karen Wiesner's (author of First Draft in 30 Days) suggestion and worked up Character Sketches (Worksheet 1) for that story.

I may not have progressed much with BMO yesterday, but at least I went to bed feeling like I'd accomplished something. And that's always a good thing.

As for IH, after revisiting the crits on my synopsis, I've decided the entire thing needs to be reworked. Since I'm planning to market the story as women's fiction with strong romantic elements, I clearly need to adjust the synopsis to take emphasis away from the relationship between Chris and Teresa and place it firmly on Teresa's self-discovery journey.

So for my BIAW time today (I committed to 20 hours for the week), I plan to get started on that synopsis. And I've got two crits due, so I need to get those started today, too.

And I'll get all that started after I go pick up my new contact lenses. And clean the living room. And start the laundry. Crap. At least my bed's made.

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MOOD: Still a little frustrated, yet hopeful
MUSIC: "Soul" by Matchbox Twenty
PROGRESS: 5 hours yesterday toward my BIAW goal

My internet access was knocked out by a storm.

I was happily be-bopping along, working on getting caught up after vacation, and we were hit by a nasty storm. Pea-sized hail and everything. Next thing I know, no internet. Phooey. So much for getting caught up. Luckily, it's finally back.

So while it was out, I decided to get caught up elsewhere, starting with weeding my garden (Saturday was a gorgeous day). You may remember I broke my ankle last spring, and I haven't been able to weed my garden since. And it shows. So, Saturday afternoon, while my husband and son were down at the studio, and my daughter was away at a birthday party, I pulled on my gardening gloves, grabbed my gardening shovel, and headed out front. Made good progress, too. But, oh, am I regretting it now. I've never known such back pain. My husband says it's a sign I need to get out and do more gardening, that I'll regret it if I don't. I want to know how I'm supposed to do more gardening when I can't even bend over?

Since I could barely move yesterday, I got back to work on BMO with the FDi30D method. Good news! I finally filled the whole between where I left off writing and the beginning of the end of my story! WOO HOO! Today I'll start on the Dialogue Worksheet, and continue working on the Story Evolution Worksheet. And since I signed up for the FTHRW BIAW this week with a goal of 20 hours, I anticipate making great progress.

Friday afternoon I finally had the opportunity to meet another of my CPs. Teresa and I got together for lunch with Eve Jameson, as she happened to be in town. You know how when you usually meet somebody in real life that you've been online friends with, they're usually very different from their online persona? (And did that sentence even make sense?) This has happened to me a few times. I won't say I was disappointed those times, but it was pretty weird. Anyway, Eve's just like she is in her e-mails, which was very cool. The three of us had a great lunch, which ended too soon, since I had to get back to pick up my son from school. I'm just sorry Eve doesn't live closer so we could get together more often.

Oh, and my truck. It went in for service Friday morning. They fixed all the problems, except I got it back Friday evening with a big hole in the dash where my CD changer used to be. Yup, they removed it to send out for repair. They said it'd be back Tuesday, but until then, no tunes in the truck.

Yeah, right.

After my daughter's Friday night soccer game, I stopped at Wal-Mart and picked up a small boom box. The music doesn't sound as good as it does coming through the truck's sound system, but at least I have tunes now. My husband about laughed his tail off, said I couldn't even take one trip in the truck before the silence drove me nuts.

He was right. What can I say? Love my music.

Anyway, I need to quit blogging and work on getting caught back up on e-mails and bulletin boards, then work on BMO. I wonder if the Romance Divas boards are finally back up?

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MUSIC: "Come to Be My Friend" by Shaw/Blades
PROGRESS: 21 handwritten pages yesterday!

So where did I leave off? Oh yeah, we'd just arrived at the hotel. I won't be relaying this chronologically, but I'll hit some of the highlights.

First of all, we really loved the perks that come from staying in a Disney resort. Being able to send purchases back to your hotel? Awesome. Being allowed to enter certain parks early and stay late? Fabulous! We got some great rides in during the extra three hours in the Magic Kingdom. Proximity and transportation to the parks? Can't beat it.

Like I said, we'll never stay off property again. And I've already started hinting to my husband (actually, I started hinting while we were still there) that I'd like to stay in the Grand Floridian next time. Don't worry. I was subtle. As we rode past on the monorail, I said, "Honey, I want to stay there next time."

See? Subtle. *snort* Since that level of subtlety is what my husband expects of me, it's all good.

As for the rides, we hit everything we really wanted to...except for the Aerosmith roller coaster at Disney/MGM Studios. My youngest wasn't tall enough for that one. But three times on the Tower of Terror made up for it. Matter of fact, we hit all the thrill rides multiple times.

Test Track at Epcot? Very cool, although we all agreed on a wish for the straight, high speed portion being longer. This was the first time on that ride for us. I should add that at 10am, we picked up our Fast Passes for that ride. And what time did it tell us to go back? 3! Damn! Talk about a popular ride!

We rode the Kali River Rapids at Animal Kingdom twice during the Extra Magic Hours. And I got soaked to the skin both times. And I mean soaked. Like somebody had dumped a few hundred gallons of water over my head. Which is essentially what happened. Twice. Ain't I lucky?

And now I have to take a minute to talk about the food. OMG, the food. We purchased a vacation package which included our hotel stay, our park passes, and most of our food. We got one snack, one counter-service meal, and one table-service meal per day. I'm so glad we did, because otherwise we'd never have experienced the wonderful Disney table-service food. Of all the places we ate, my number one recommendation is the Concourse Steakhouse at the Contemporary Hotel. I'm still humming with pleasure from that meal.

We also did two character meals, a dinner at the Liberty Tree Tavern in the Magic Kingdom and a breakfast at Chef Mickey's at the Contemporary. Both were absolutely wonderful, and having the characters come right to your table beats waiting in line in the heat to meet them any day, hands down.

One night, we actually went off property for the evening, and took in the show at Medieval Times. What fun! My husband and I had done this last time we went to Disney, but this time we took the kids. And they had a blast. My son was really into it--standing on his chair, whooping and hollering for our knight and booing the others. My daughter was into the whole thing until she was singled out by our knight. She received a carnation from him, and a scarf that signified it was she he would be jousting for. I think she was really embarrassed. My daughter is an athlete, and used to being recognized for that. Being recognized for any other reason is foreign to her, and she just didn't know how to handle it. She did really like the food, though.

The night before we left, we received our shopping bill (they allow resort guests to use their resort ID as a kind of credit card). My husband's comment to me when he saw the bill? "I'm proud of you. You spent less than half of what I thought you would!" My response? "Get up off your ass. I've got shopping to do!"

And that, in a very large nutshell, was our Disney vacation. I absolutely did not want to leave, and would happily live at Disney (as long as the meals are paid for). I can't wait for the next one!

Any questions?

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MOOD: Hungry
MUSIC: None now. Watching "Mr. Romance".
PROGRESS: Got my crits done! Still trying to get caught up after vacation
WHAT I'M READING: The Bane Affair by Alison Kent

As I said earlier, we're back from vacation. And now I'm wondering if I'll ever catch up. Yahoo seemed to burp again while we were gone, and I was getting double posts on every list, which means my inbox filled up quick. Which also means several messages started bouncing. So if you've tried to e-mail me within the past few days and I don't respond by Thursday, please feel free to try again. My apologies.

Okay. So, the vacation. Let me start by saying that Walt Disney World is probably my most favorite place in all the world. Of course, I say that without ever having visited most of the world, so take from that what you will. Anyway, the days leading up to the vacation were jam packed and I felt like one of those little wind-up toys that wander around, bouncing off the walls to change direction. You ever have those days where it feels like your head is spinning and everything's taking off in different directions and no matter how hard you try you can't get a handle on anything? That was me before we left.

One good note--we went shopping before we left because the whole family needed new shorts. Can't go to Florida without shorts, right? And my weight has yo-yo'd so much since breaking my ankle last year, I was afraid nothing I had fit. But when we went shopping, I discovered I was a size smaller than I thought I was. Always a nice discovery, and it should have got me started on a great foot.

Should have.

The day before we left was house cleaning day. We desperately wanted to come home to a clean house (not to mention the fact that I didn't want to be embarrassed when my neighbor came in to take care of the dogs), so we spent Sunday cleaning. And cleaning. And cleaning. We finally collapsed into bed in the wee hours of the morning, exhausted, but with a clean house. Of course, that blew our 6am leave time right out of the water...we were just too damned tired to drag ourselves out of bed at 5am to get ready. But we were on the road by 8am, and things were looking up.

By the time we hit South Georgia, the CD player in my truck crapped out. At first, we thought it might need to be cleaned, so we stopped and picked up one of those cleaning disks and tried it. No dice. Kept getting "focus error" and "bad disc" messages. Must I even mention how devastated I was? A road trip without my tunes! Let's just say that part sucked with a capital S-U-C-K-E-D.

But we did finally get to the hotel all in once piece, and the kids were sufficiently surprised, since we'd misled them about where we were going. We spent the first night just hanging out in the hotel so we could start on the parks the next morning, fresh and raring to go.

Since this entry is already long, I'll break here. But first, let me just add that after staying on Disney property, we'll never stay off property again. It was a wonderful experience, and I'll continue the story later.

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MOOD: Tired
PROGRESS: I'm still freaked out by all the catching up I have to do!
WHAT I'M READING: The Bane Affair by Alison Kent

I'm back!

We just got home after a weeklong vacation at Disney World. Unfortunately, I don't have time for a full post right now, but I thought I should let everybody know I'm alive, happy, and going nuts trying to get caught up.

More later!